"And men, I have come to believe, cannot or will not have real friends."
This is a quote from "Men and their hidden feelings" written by Richard Cohen.
In his mind, men's real friends need to share all their emotions and should not keep their hidden feelings. When a man wants to open up, it usually means he is willing to talk, typically to his mate.
But why they do not want to "open up"? Someone said "for some men, this feels like giving up our identity as men, and it feels dangerous."
Because some men think they "cry like a little girl; or they are perceived by women as soft males, or even wusses and wimps; or our anger or passion is frightening or abusive, our grief overwhelming."
Otherwise, people think "men may not talk about feelings because they do not know how, or because they do not see the point. And expressing feelings nonverbally is something not commonly done in public."
Because of the different gender, men and women's feelings are quite different. Women like to share their feelings to others no matter they are real friends or not.
However, some people will never have a real friend because of their suspiciousness. They think friends are those people who can be used; and they do not want to suffer losses.
Not only men, but also women are hard to find a real friend. And the main point is how to define the real friend in your mind. For some people, real friends are those who can sacrifice most important things for their friends; and the basic thing is to be honest. This doesn't mean you need to talk every useless thing to your friends unless you have some really trouble things need to solve without your friends; and never think about repayment and to use each other.
Anyway, to have one real friend in our lives is an extremely thing needs to celebrate. Although It is really hard, but "impossible is nothing"; things are not absolute. Try to make real friends, just begin from yourself.
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2 comments:
In my opinion, friend is a person who can share with you about the secrets and depression. if you can't, it means he is not the person who is trusted by you. being with true friend,you should exchange your opinions truely,then you will clearly know each other.usually man are not willing to open their heart to other easily.they always pretend to express themselves.so how can have the close friend to get along with.while some men prefer to talk with females, because different genders could have different opinion to exchange.
One real friend is enough to celebrate (Leslie)
I like this post very much. I agree with your opinion about the definition of real friend. Don't expect to get anything from your friend, but always be ready to give anything to your friend. I think it's the simplest way to put it.
If you expect for anything from your friend, you will be disappointed and complain when you didn't get it, and then you jump to the conclusion that it's not a real friend. However, when you didn't expect anything and then get some from your friend, you will appreciate it more and feel grateful.
That is my way, though in many cases that I don't expect and I don't get any, too. But it's fine and I can take the result. But when I don't expect but I really get some, I will be wild with joy and celebrate.
Real friends are hard to find, just as some women say, a good husband is hard to find. But there are always some, and there is a day for you to celebrate.
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