Afghan Women's Marriage Should Not be Confined (Zhen Fan )

“I’m very close to my family and that helps me because they want to do what’s best for me.” It may seems Afghan women are oppressed to us, but they may have an opposite vision. Living in Afghanistan, a country with traditional ideas, there is a different way and different opinion on happiness. It was a surprise when I saw this sentence in the article. Even many people outside Afghanistan think the same way, parents always do what is best for us, but we never let our parents to arrange our marriage. Parents are not choosing husbands for their daughters in fact. No doubt, they care their daughters’ happiness, but in the meanwhile, they are choosing guys who are capable to feed their daughters. It is true, economic foundation is important, but not the most. At least, love is not the thing included.

For me, Afghan women are treated as slaves. Their men release their anger by beating them. "Afghan people can't meet each other prior to getting engaged.” Everyone is blinded by arranged marriage. A gentle and apprehensive husband is the best thing ever in a woman’s life. How can we know if he is the one without meeting and hanging out with each other?

"There's a saying that the food your husband feeds you doesn't come for free. And men actually think they have a right under the Koran to beat their wives." This is weird anyhow in my mind. Love is not trading, we can never purchase love from anyone. We gain love when we give love. Love is a process of get and give, we are happy because we give, but not get. Overall, the living environment limits Afghans’ thoughts. When everyone is doing in the way with the culture of hundred years, how can we change it easily?

"When your actions are limited and you're from a certain world and you're young and you respect your family, you go along with their wishes even if you have extreme doubts." Arranged marriage seems more like a command rather than showing respect to family. Children will not refuse offers by parents, just because they think they cannot. However, parents’ happiness never equals to our happiness. It is not saying that we do not care about our parents. It is true, when our parents are happy, we are happy. Nevertheless, we have our own happiness, a part of happiness out of our own feelings, instead of the affection from parents.

"My mother still tells me she can't look at people because they know her daughter married in this way." It is very common to chose our own husbands, but strange for Afghans. Afghan women live in a country with a strong culture and traditions. It is not easy to be changed, but I hope someday, Afghan women can get their own part of happiness.