To My Little Princess

I still remember the day I met you for the first time, a year and half ago.
You were tiny as a fairy, light as a feather.
Your first cry was a sweet song.
You could not open your eyes at the very beginning.
So, the first eye-to-eye-contact was a miracle.
You are my biggest miracle, my princess.
How can I imagine the life without you, though you have stolen my long, deep sleep?
How can I stop laughing each day, though you added more house works to me?
I thank God for letting me be your mommy, who is too immature to be a good one.
Also, I always feel sorry for not being happy while I had been carrying you in my belly for months.


I met a wonderful person, whom I can love and depend on forever.
After months, I found out you came to me, feeling excited, but afraid.
Having a pretty girl for my first baby was my dream.
When a nurse announced “It’s a girl”, I felt blessed, though your grandparents weren’t.
Their disappointed faces scratched my heart.
This memory still does not fade away.
Though I understand many family wants a son, my heart was hurt.
Though I understand typical Korean adults desire a son, my heart was in pain.
As the first daughter-in-law in our family, my pregnancy with a girl was a sin.
As the wife of first son in this Korean family, dreaming of having a princess was a shame.
Once, I even regretted having you, a girl.
Once, I regretted not having a boy, who can bring a joy to your family.
Boy can acquire our family’s existence, but not a girl.
Girl will belong to other family someday, but not a boy.

However, your birth had kicked all my anguish away.
Your presence had cured all my pains and wounds.
As you were born, I was also reborn.
You gave me energy to stand up.
I was glad to have you, “a girl”.
Your appearance strengthened my heart.
How proud I was to have “a girl!”
Your girly gestures amazed all families, even your grandparents’ discouraged hearts
Because you are “a girl”, my sweet dream was completed
though it was once regretted.
Now, you are a big support to me, to our family.
You became the reason I can be proud of myself.
God gave us the best, you, Estelle.

You are really my little princess, my hope.
Sweetie, hold self-esteem about your gender always though I once failed having confidence.
Be confident of who you are.
Women have a great role, which brings a hope to the world.
Women have a wonderful duty, which delivers a new life to the world.
Women only learn the joyful pain of fertility.
Though you may confront with many difficulties,
I will always pray wisdom will guide you to break all shackles.
I would be happy to be shelters in your life.

You are very special, so precious.
After I met you I could experience this love, which is unconditional and unstoppable.
Thank you for coming to my life with the joy and the excitement.
Thank you for being my princess.

Love you always and forever,
Mom