Conversation(Hearim Lee)

Conversation


“ I am back home.”
“……...”
I didn’t reply what my older sister said that she came back home. From a long time ago, I have ignored her conversation, I still ignore her, and I will ignore her in even future. Perhaps, I think that she has become familiar with my no reply and indifference. I keep ignoring my sister’s existence in my world and, I just care of me. My sister always tries to show me what she is lively and her smile. Also, she tries to address me first. Like that, I keep ignoring unique family who is my sister every day.
Three years ago, our awkward reticence had started since our parents passed away. In my memory, personality of my older sister and I have changed since the event. The event was what when my sister was in middle school, when she was a birthday; she pushed parents to go outside for buying my sister’s a flute and then my parents couldn’t go back home forever.
It was a January and it was so cold. At that time, my parents were looking for musical instruments’ stores because it was so late night. Finally, they could buy a flute for her and then they were happy to buy my sister’s present. They had a car accident by the car on an icy road. Until they passed away, a father held my sister’s flute tight. Without their will, I was not reproachful about parents and driver who ran over my parents by the driver’s car. I just hate my older sister who pushed my parents to buy a flute for her even though it was a winter and was so cold. Since my parents passed away, we became indifferent each other. After all, it got stuck a person who want to have a conversation and a person who refuse a conversation.
Once, I was really close to my sister, but our relationship has become estranged more and more. My older sister who was lively and she had a way of making friends and influencing people has changed how became passive and she can’t try to speak to people. No one make this situation, but my stubbornness want to keep this situation with my sister.
“ John! I came back home!”
I thought that she really doesn’t know what date is today? I was mad because her cheerful behavior made me lose my rationality.
“ What? Do you know what date is today?
I shouted her without appreciation, and then my sister didn’t care what I shouted to her and she just kept laughing. For a long time, she didn’t stop to laugh. After a short time, her laughing changed be crying.
“……”
She was crying. Her red skirt had become a deep red. I was surprised that she was weak before. My sister tried to make smile and tired to hide her crying face by her small hands. However, she tried to show me what she was fine, she couldn’t stop to cry with her shoulder moved up down. I was getting changing my mind what I cursed her everyday and then I thought that I did something wrong to her for three years. For removing my guilty conscience about her for three years, I started to spit out any words to her.
“ Why are you crying? Although today is the anniversary of our parents’ death, you were drunken and you came back home!”
“ Sorry…I am sorry John…I apologize…”
“ Shot up! Get out of home!”
“ Sorry… really sorry…”
Without turn back, I went to my room but I couldn’t be estranged her voice which I am sorry. Even though it was so late, I couldn’t sleep because of her crying sounds. I couldn’t dam up this situation by my rationalization and during I waited for a conversation and laughing with my sister in the future, I was agonizing with her.
It’s so quiet. Why it is so quiet. I saw a clock on the desk. Time was at 9:00am. Every morning, in this time should hear what my sister was preparing for going to work. I felt so wired and then I came out to living room from room. Like my habit in every morning, I went to the bathroom. When I went to the bathroom, I saw my sister what break down in the bathtub. She looked like she takes a shower by blood and on the bottom of the bathroom; there was a cutter knife.
I shouted like out of mind person and then I pressed 911.
“ Hello, how can I help you?”
“ My sister is getting died. Help my sister!”
My voice sounded like being extremely urgent. The worker who was in 911 didn’t ask me an address and then hung up a calling.
“ I was going to disappear, but I couldn’t…” “ I lack in your older sister. Am I?”
By the way, my sister went to hospital by 911. After she got cure from doctor, I could meet my sister. She looked so pale but I felt thankful what she was fine.
“ It’s lucky…you are fine…”
“ Don’t crying….”
I nestled in my sister’s arm, and even though she was surprised about that, she kept patting me.
My sister slept again and then doctor came to her sickroom. He said to me “ although your head is a little painful, it will be find.” I asked him “ What happened?” and then he said she needed a blood from you.”
My eyes became full of tears and then I said, “ Although it is too late to say, I want to say Happy birthday to you.”
During my sister slept, her face looked vey happy and smile. I thought, “ What conversation should I do to her?”